Guess I won't be getting that nap today...

I love Sloan's russian school. They are so sweet and they work really hard with Sloan - and with me. I gotta say, though, that the homework they give is killing me! This poorly taken picture is the homework that Sloan had to complete just between Monday and Thursday! There were three writing exercises, two pages to read, two lines of a poem to memorize (to be fair, we have a couple more weeks before he has to recite them) and a play to work on. That may not seem like a lot, but when it's in a foreign language it takes twice the amount of time to complete - although Sloan is getting very fast at his reading. The last two pages at the top of the photo are the play. Sloan only has a few lines to learn, but I need to translate the whole thing for him so the poor kid knows what's going on when they perform it. Since he's the only kid at the school without a russian parent he's at a major disadvantage. All of the other kids are fluent already in the language. Sloan understnads it, but speaking is hard for him. It's my fault - I try to speak russian with them some at home, but it's just really hard to do that and still keep order in our house. So, I will be sitting down in a minute and translating a four page play with lots of big words in it! I feel like I'm in college again. This, incidentally, is why I have yet to teach him how to read in English.

Oh yeah, and I've got this to deal with, as well as three loads of laundry to put away. There will be no resting today. 'Kay - gotta go!

Redeeming Halloween

So, Halloween is coming up soon and I thought I'd pass on the name of a great book that I think is important for parents to read - particularly those who struggle with the concept of Halloween. It seems that Halloween has gotten a little bit of a bad wrap over the years. What can be, and should be, a fun, innocent holiday for children has been mired by slasher movies and horror tales of cult-like sacrifices. This, in my opinion, is unfortunate because Halloween is really a fun time for both children and parents.

The idea of Halloween being a pagan holiday is particularly prevalent among christian circles. I understand where this is coming from. In fact, Lee and I really debated whether or not we would celebrate Halloween with our kids. Both of us just assumed that Halloween was a holiday that opened the door to evil and wondered if we should just scrap it. But, when Sloan was born, it broke my heart to think of not dressing him up and parading him around the neighborhood, showing off his cute, fat cheeks and racking up a little sugary delight. So, I decided it was time to research Halloween. And I am glad I did!

I came across a book called Redeeming Halloween: Celebrating Without Selling Out. This book was published by Focus on the Family, a reputable christian organization whose focus is, oddly enough, on issues that affect families. I learned a lot from this book. Perhaps the thing that most surprised me was the fact the Halloween, the original holiday, is not pagan, but rather a christian holiday. It stands for All Hallow 'een or "the eve of the holy ones". Under the reign of Nero, a tyrannous and horrible Roman leader, christian's were brutally murdered in public places. Literally thrown before the lions, christians in early Rome were martyred for no other reason than that Nero felt threatened by them. In A.D. 610, as the church gained more honor, these martyrs were officially recognized and given their own holiday, All Saints' Day or All Hallows Day. This holiday eventually landed on the calendar on November 1. It was meant to be a day for the church to remember and recognize the believers who died for their faith.

Now, there is no denying that this meaning of Halloween has been wildly distorted over the centuries. But the fact remains that Halloween is not pagan, and this book gives great suggestions of ways to celebrate Halloween by merging the tradition's that we have today, trick or treating, with the true meaning of the holiday. After all, isn't that what we try to do at Christmas as well? If you think about it, Christmas has also been dreadfully distorted and paganized.

So where did the costumes and trick or treating come into play? The authors state that there is no real conclusive evidence as to where this tradition began but there is some historical evidence that in the mid-1800's, masquaraders would go from door to door performing plays in exchange for food or drink. Around this time, a large population of Irish immigrants came to America bringing with them a tradition known as "mischeif night" where they would canvas neighborhoods playing harmless tricks on their neighbors. By the 1920's, however, this tradition had gotten out of hand leading to true vandalism, so a small town mayor instituted a night where "good" children could go to neighbor's homes and shops, crying "Trick or Treat!" The idea was that the shop owners should give them a treat so they wouldn't be "tricked." Placing this tradition on the eve of All Hallow's Day was merely a way to designate it as a once a year occasion.

So, for those of you who may be unsure of whether or not to celebrate Halloween, I highly recommend this book. For those of you who feel guilty for celebrating it - Don't! You don't have to skulk around on Halloween hoping no one from church see's you taking your kids out. Bottom line is that there are ways to enjoy the innocence and the fun of Halloween without partaking of the evil that pervades. So, in closing, Happy Halloween!

Kid's Say (and Do) the Darndest Things

Now that Tia is starting to talk more, I can finally start posting the funny things that she is saying. Tia is my early bird. She generally is the first one up and comes traipsing into our room when it is still dark. Lee has been getting up with her and taking her out into the family room where they snuggle on the chair and read the Bible together. After he's read for a few minutes, he pulls out a book and tells her the letters on the front and has her repeat them back to her. The book she likes to "read" the most with dad is written by a man named R.C. Sproul. Here is how their conversation usually goes:

Lee: R

Tia: Awd

Lee: C

Tia: Theee

Lee: S

Tia: Eth

Lee: P

Tia: Peeee

Lee: R

Tia: Awd

Lee: O

Tia: Od

Lee: U

Tia: Me

Lee: No, U

Tia: Me

Lee: No, Tia the letter is U

Tia: Uh huh, Me

Lee: L

Tia: Ed

We bought our pumpkins yesterday at the grocery store. I let Sloan help me put them into the cart. As we were loading them, Sloan asked, "Mom, can we skarf these tonight?" For the record, he meant carve.

My cousin, Stefanie, and her cutie patootie son were in town last week. We had tons of fun romping around St. Louis with them. On Friday we went to the Arch. It was Sloan's first time and he was thrilled as he's been asking us to take him for months now. For some reason, though, he felt the need to wink every time someone took a picture of him so I ended up with a bunch of pictures of him with half closed eyes. Kids are so funny...

Why are the people at Starbucks so happy?

Is it the coffee; the endless supply of free flowing caffeine that pumps a bizarre giddiness into their (usually) youthful systems? Are barista's contractually obligated to be chipper and joyful no matter how ungodly the hour may be? (Is barista gender neutral? Is a male server a barist? Hmmm...I'll stick with barista) Do they have to greet you at the drive-thru with a drawn out, "Wwwwwwwwwweeelllcome to Starbucks, what can I get you?" And upon ordering send you around the corner with a peppy, "Grrrreeaaat. See you at the window." If they were as short and rude as those at, oh say, McDonald's, would they be fired? Would they be sent on their unmerry way with a pat on the back and a "Have a great life?" Could be...

Maybe it's me. Perhaps it's the fact that I, as a non-coffee drinker, usually visit Starbucks under the direst of circumstances in need of a quick fix so that I do not bring harm to my children through my sleep deprived stupor. Or, if I'm not visiting out of necessity, but rathe out of pure indulgence for a Soy Chai Latte (yes, Wanida, I tried it again...and againandagain and I do indeed like it with the soy. I feel so SoCal!), then perhaps in my self absorbtion I am hyper sensitive to the giddy nature of those who are indulging my new addiction.

At any rate, I like it. I love the happy little fella that cheerfully sends me on my way, my belly full of warm comfort. I find myself driving away whistling "It's a Sunshine Day," all Brady like and happy. Well done Starbucks. Keep up the good work!

All rolled into one...

I have several things to share, but no time to share them as this week is CRAZY! So much to do, so little time. And mama is so very tired. I think I'm fighting off some sort of bug because I'm just exhausted all the time. But because I don't have time to be sick, I press on so...onward!

We had a fun weekend. Sloan had his final soccer game and got his trophy, which he just thought was super cool! We discovered this weekend that Landon loves to play with balls and will spend significant amounts of time pushing a ball around the house - that is if said ball isn't snatched by his sister. He will also roll the ball back and forth with us, which is so cute.

We headed to the pumpkin patch on Sunday - a gorgeous day. We went with our good friends, the James, which made it even more fun. That's a good activity to share with another family. The kids had fun running through the rows of pumpkins, playing on all the tractors and trucks, and taking pony rides. Good times.

I took Landon to the doctor for his 10 month check up the other day. Poor baby has an ear infection, which explains the never ending cold he's had. Otherwise, he looks great. He is significantly smaller than Sloan was at this age. At 9 months, Sloan weighed two pounds more and was almost a full inch taller than Landon is right now at 10 months. Sloan was a beast. (For documentation purposes, I'm recording that Landon was 23.11 pounds and 29 1/4 in.)

And finally, an exciting bit of personal news - I was appointed the editor of the St. Louis Blogger's Guild at last night's meeting. I'm really excited about this, and a little nervous. I will be writing one post per week for the guild site and organizing/editing two additional posts each week, which will be written by different members of the guild. This will give me a chance to learn more about social media, contribute to the guild, and have a specific writing deadline which just makes the blood of a writer course electrically through her veins. So, all in all, we're doing well. Enjoy the pictures.

Tia loved the pony ride but was afraid she was going to fall. Every time she passed us she'd say, "Mama, ah d wa osh." (Translation - mommy, I'm going to fall off) I have given up on getting them all to look and smile at the same time. It's not possible...

The most decent family shot we got. Thanks Suzanne!

Sloan and his friend Bobby playing on the big fire truck.
Landon was having a blast.
Poor baby. All the adults were laughing at him so he got a little love from the pumpkin.

Wee Little Pundit, Part 2

A follow up on this conversation...
Sloan is really paying attention to the candidates right now. Any time they're on TV he asks us to turn the volume up and he listens very intently. We cannot, however, seem to talk him out of his desire to vote for "Rocko Bama." This was our conversation on Saturday morning (the kids woke up before us and turned on the TV. They didn't know how to change the channel, however, and so they ended up watching the TODAY show):

Sloan: "Mom, I really want to vote for Rocko Bama. Can I please vote?"
Me: "Well, honey, you have to be 18 to vote and you're only 5 right now."
Sloan (heaving a very dramatic sigh): "Man, I just really want to vote for Rocko."
Me: "Why Rocko? Don't you like John McCain?"
Sloan: "No, I just like Rocko Bama. But John McCain was on TV this morning and I watched him talk. He just went 'Waaa, Waaa, Waaa."
Me: "John McCain went waa, waa, waa? What about Rocko Bama? Did you see him?"
Sloan: "Yeah, but I just like him better.
Me: "Well, what did he say?"
Sloan: "Well, he said, 'Waaa, waaa, waaa' too. They all kind of say 'waaa, waaaa, waaa."
Me: "Well, you got that right kiddo."

Seriously, you know it's bad when a five-year-old is tired of the whining!

Hate Sin

Sloan, my wonderful, beautiful, spectacular five-year-old, is also a bit of a toot these days. Man, he's giving us a run for our money. The only thing I take comfort in is the fact that he must know that there is nothing on this earth that he could ever do to make us stop loving him, because he's so difficult right now that some days all I have to lean on are my deepest feelings of motherly love (but I don't always like him). We feel like we are in a spiritual battle with him right now. He's so close to salvation. He's asking a lot of questions, but isn't ready to accept Christ just yet. I asked him the other day after a particularly poignant conversation, if he wanted to pray and ask Jesus into his heart. Without missing a beat he replied, "No, not today." The boy knows what he wants. So anyway, satan is digging at his little spirit, but Lee and I will not give up this fight. There are some days when I would like to throw the towel in and say, "Fine. You win. I'm done." But that's not an option. My son's eternal soul is so desperately important to me and so I will stay on my knees and I will continue to beg the Lord to give me the strength, grace, peace and patience to parent him. And I am trusting that the Lord will show me some fruit from these early years of toil. Parenting is hard!

There are, however, a few moments where Sloan's little attitude bring on a welcomed bit of comic relief. One of the things we're working on is curbing his use of the word hate. This is a new thing that sprung up lately. "I hate this food." "I hate our house," etc...I had been telling him that hate is too strong of a word and we shouldn't use it, but finally decided that I needed to give him something to work with so the other day I told him he was allowed to hate only one thing, and he could say the word hate only in this context. He is allowed to hate sin. So, this morning when I told him to get dressed, he immediately fell into the whining and complaining. I quickly cut him off and told him to just get dressed. He stomped into his room and took his jammy shirt off and threw it on the ground then shouted at the top of his lungs, "I HATE SIN!!!"

Me too, little buddy. Me too.

Tag - I'm it!

My good bud, Lindsey tagged me and because I love her SO much, I am participating!

THE RULES::
* Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog....

Here you have it, folks: 7 Random Facts about me:

1. I love cold food. I know it's weird, but I love taking food out of the fridge and just eating it cold. My favorites are spagetti and pizza, but I'll eat just about anything cold and usually like it better than when it was warm.

2. I have an abnormal fear of airplane bathrooms, which I've discussed before here. But, seriously, I am terrified to use an airplane bathroom on the off chance that somehow the little stall will dislodge itself from the rest of the plane and I will plummet to the earth with my pants around my ankles. *sigh* I'm a dork.

3. My very favorite book in the world is Anna Karenina. I've read it at least three times and every time I put it down and sigh at the greatness of it! My next favorite book is Jane Eyre, another that just makes me smile and swoon. Finally, my third favorite book of all time is The Last of the Really Great Wangdoodles. It's written by Julie (Andrews) Edwards (aka Mary Poppins). It's a kids book, but it's so awesome. I've read it at least 25 times. My third grade teacher read it to us, and I've read it once or twice a year since then! I even read it to Lee right after we got married (isn't that such a newly married thing to do?). I'm excited for the kids to get a little older so I can read it to them.

4. I have a weird and uncanny ability to impersonate people. I can do a mean Ace Ventura impersonation, which has gotten me nowhere in life, but did help me win over the boys in high school. I can sing in such a way that I can sound a lot like whoever's song I am singing (within reason - my range is not in the league of some people out there). My favorite person to impersonate in song is Barbra Streisand.

5. I started out in college majoring in musical theater but quickly dropped that when I realized I had to sell my soul to the theater department and I decided I wanted a life.

6. My grandparents were pioneer missionaries to the islands in the West Indies and the Bahamas. My mom grew up in the islands and my uncle now runs a mission organization that takes groups into several different countries and islands. It is for this reason that I think I have a little more salt in my blood than the average person, and I therefore love the islands and the Caribbean so very much. I also deeply, deeply admire my grandparents, both of whom are already sitting before the throne of God.

7. I absolutely love throwing tea parties and have a secret desire to one day own my own tea shop. I love the scones and the pettifores, the finger sandwiches and the different blends of tea. I do not love cooking, or really even baking, unless it's baking for a group of women who are going to have high tea with me. I am planning on taking Tia to her first high tea this winter and can't wait.

So there you have it. Now, I tag:
Carol
Julie
Nicole
Anna
Becke
Erin
Kristina
...And don't worry, ladies - I won't be offended if you decide you don't want to participate!

I'm back!

I had a fabulous time in San Diego last weekend. It was so relaxing and so carefree and I came home revived and refreshed and ready to tackle the world again - or at least tackle my children! I am a big proponent of mom's taking time to get away. I think it is muy importante (a little Spanish for you, a souvineir from San Diego). There is a danger for us moms to matyr ourselves for the motherhood. But that's not always healthy. We need to get out, get away and just relax. Well, at least I do. I was feeling a little discouraged and overwhelmed before leaving for SD. But I had such a lovely weekend and I was truly ready to return when the time came. I wasn't pining away for my kids, but I was ready to see them again and felt more emotionally and mentally prepared to mother them. I also came home so appreciative of my husband for giving me the freedom to take a weekend away. Lee and the kids did great here at home! So good, in fact, that I'm thinking I should have stayed away longer...

Anyway, San Diego is gorgeous. A really neat, pretty place. And I stayed with, and visited such dear, dear friends. When Lee and I lived in Dallas, we met Matt and Wendy Brunner and instantly had a connection with them. Despite living in separate cities now for several years, we have remained closely bonded. God just knit our hearts together in a special way so many years ago. Wendy is one of the godliest women I've ever met and I was refreshed this weekend as we spent many hours talking. Wendy is leading a women's retreat this coming weekend and read me her material. I was so encouraged by her and I'm so grateful for the time I had. I also visited my friend Wanida, whom I've not seen in almost 10 years!! We lost contact after college, but Wanida is another dear friend who God just knit my heart to in a special way. Wanida and I spent the day sight-seeing. We rode bikes on Coronado Island. We went to La Jolla and sat on the beach. We went to Torrey Pines where I saw the famous golf course, then hiked in Torrey Pines park, which was gor-geous! Then we went to Del Mar and stood at the beach watching the surfers! So cool. What a fun place to live.

Anyway, I'm so glad that I had the chance to take that trip. It was a blast. If any of you ever get the chance to go to San Diego, I highly recommend it. It's awesome! Now I am frantically trying to clean my house because we're having friends over tonight - sing it with me: Back to life/ back to reality...

We took the ferry round trip to visit Coronado. Isn't it beautiful? It was so fun to be able to look back and see downtown San Diego.
Wanida told me that sitting on the edge of this lookout would make me feel like I was sitting on the edge of the world. She was right. It also made me feel like I was going to plummet to my death though, so I didn't hang out there long.
La Jolla beach. I went back there by myself on Sunday morning. I took my Bible, sat at a quaint little cafe overlooking the water, and just drank in the morning. I haven't done something like that in years. It was awesome!

Whodunnit

Update: Mystery solved (check the comments). The person who I suspected is indeed the culprit, though I'm still a little baffled by the Sephora box. Anyway, Brad Dearborn is a dear friend and mentor to me (a spiritual mentor as well as a mentor in the art of practical jokes). Brad led a bible study that I was in in high school and had such an impact on my life back then. As you can see, his sense of humor is wonderfully dry and wickedly funny - yes, there were many a dropped off item at my parents house over the years from toilets to a headless goose. And those things always made their way back to Brad's house, either by me or by my mom, who, I must say, also has a wickedly mischevious sense of humor. Thank you, Brad. You've provided many years of laughter and it's moving on to another generation. Brilliant. I love you dearly! I'm off to San Diego tomorrow morning early to visit with dear, dear friends. I'm so excited and I'm going crazy right now trying to get ready. I'll be back next Monday.

Sloan received a mystery package in the mail today from someone who obviously reads this blog. It is a ceramic giraffe with it's legs crossed and a couple of tickets to the St. Louis Zoo. Who is it from? It was sent from Ballwin. At first I thought I knew for sure who had sent it, but the Sephora box has thrown me for a loop. Anyway, whoever you are - well done! I have laughed all afternoon. If you didn't read the giraffe post, click here.

Photo shoot

Well, there is one thing in life that I wish I was better at and that is photography. I'm okay, but I'm not great. I admire people who just have the gift and the knack for photography. I think it's a great skill. One person is Tarah over at In the Beginning Photography. She's amazing. I love to look at her pictures (or I should say, drool over her pictures). She's taken pictures for us twice now and she is just so talented. My sister in law, Becke' is becoming quite the photographer as well. She's taking great photos of her kids. I'm just amateur. I took the kids to the park last night and took some shots. They turned out okay, but again, I wish Becke' or Tara could have been there to do it right. Anyway, enjoy the ones that I captured. I had trouble with my zoom (which I figured out later when I read the manual - imagine! Taking the time to learn your camera before using it!) But I did get some cute shots.

We are surviving here without daddy, but we are ready for him to come home tomorrow! Thank God for my mom in town. None of us has felt particularly well and my mom has been a god-send. Seriously, I'm so beyond blessed with a mom who is a servant to her core. She stayed home with the younger kids yesterday because I had to sing in church and they were too sick for the nursery. When I got home, my laundry was done and she's made me some chicken noodle soup! You're the best mom! Landon's hair always sticks up like this - no matter what I do. It's so cute.
My happy, happy boy

Sloan was getting all GQ on me.

This dress is ridiculous but oh so cute. Strasburg Children's Boutique in Chesterfield was having a major sale. It was 50% off of 50% off, which is the only way I'd ever make such a purchase.

Dear Daddy

Hey dad! We sure do miss you here at home. We hate it when you leave. But we're having a lot of fun. Yesterday we went to the zoo and saw all the animals. It was so cool! Especially the giraffes. You can read about that here. Tia really liked the snakes a lot. She kept getting right up to the window and staring at them. For a little girl, she's not very girly. Landon also got to ride the Carousel and he really liked it. He laughed and squealed the whole time.AND we got to ride the train which was my favorite part. I got to sit in the back and say All Aboard and I said it really, really loud. Mommy sat in front of me with Tia and Bubba.

Last night mommy and Byshka got ready for the garage sale. Ummm...Tia and I didn't do a very good job going to sleep so tonight mommy is making us go to sleep in different beds. She said we can try to go to sleep in the same room again tomorrow night. Just to let you know, daddy. I think mommy might be losing it a little. You should come home soon.

Today we had the garage sale. Not many people came so mommy is going to do it again on Wednesday. I think she's crazy, but she wants to get rid of all that stuff! I was a great salesman. I talked several people into items that I don't think they really needed or wanted. We also went to my soccer game where I totally ruled and kicked the ball so hard. Then we went to Sonic and got a slushie and to Snip-its to get my hair cut. Mommy took a picture of my awesome new hair-do. My hair has never been this short! It was a busy day, daddy. Boy, I sure am tired. I'm going to go to bed now. I'm gonna go right to sleep, like the angel that I am. Night!

(Oh, and no matter what mom may tell you, I really was an angel while you were gone. I followed direction immeditaely, was very respectful, and never talked back. Don't listen to what mommy says. Not a word...)

Anatomy 101

We went to the Zoo today. It was gorgeous - a perfect day. The first thing the kids wanted to see were the giraffes so we made our way up there. I love the giraffe pen at the zoo because you can stand right in front of those beautiful creatures and just drink in God's creativity and handiwork. Today, the largest and oldest giraffe was standing directly in front of us. I didn't know at that very moment that the darker the spots are on a giraffe, the older it is. When Sloan asked me why that particular giraffe was so dark, I said that maybe it was because it's a boy. Sloan's response?

"No, mom. It's a boy because it has a big penis see? That's what makes it a boy."

Of course everyone else in St. Louis was at the zoo today and 90% of them were at the giraffe pen to hear Sloan's anatomy lesson. Laughter erupted all around. Do you know what laughter does to a precocious 5-year-old? Encourages him to say that which incited the laughter in the first place - over and over again. We finally had to leave because I feared my ever reddening face would spontaneously combust and kill the poor creature.

Garage sale madness!!!!

UPDATE
I'm trying to prepare for a garage sale this Saturday...when Lee's going to be outof town. Why do I do this to myself? I can hardly see the floor of my garage there's so much stuff in it right now! I still have three more large garbage bags of stuff to go through and organize. Then I have to price it all. My friend Stephanie is here with two of her kids painting the island. The kids are getting on each other's nerves, Tia has a cold and is whining, aaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Do any of you know the Dr. Demento song They're coming to take me away? Sing it with me:

They're coming to take me away, haha
They're coming to take me away
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away, haha!

I had some of the lyrics wrong, but I felt like you people needed to hear the song that's now pounding its way through my head all.day.long. Enjoy! (Oh, and forgive the bizarrely spelled lyrics in the posted video - it makes no sense, but then, neither does this song!)

He knows me so well...

It was a perfect fall night last night. The air was crisp and clean. The sky was clear, and it was relatively quiet outside. I love and hate the fall. I love the weather, but I hate the upcoming winter and that taints my enjoyment of this season a little. Last night, however, Lee and I enjoyed fall. One of our favorite things to do is sit out on our front porch with a cup of hot tea and just relax. We always have great conversation and last night was no exeption. Last nights talk, however, resulted in me having a very restless night.

When Lee and I got married, we were, as most married couples are, full of dreams and ambition. The world was ours. We just had to figure out how to take it. Marrying Lee was one of the best decisions I've ever made for many, many reasons, one of them being that he exudes confidence whereas I've always desperately lacked it. He's brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways, but I didn't realize what a frustrating person I must be to live with until last night.

I have always had great dreams. There have always been things that I wanted to do and accomplish, but I sorely lack the drive to go out and do them because I so badly fear failure. I am also quite dependent upon what others think of me. If I try and fail, what will people think? Will they secretly laugh behind my back? Will they shake their heads and wonder why I even tried in the first place? I don't know why I'm so plagued by these thoughts, but they are very paralyzing. Lee, however, could give a flying flip what people think about him. It helps that he is so likeable that anyone who didn't like him would have to be mentally unstable. Anyhoo, I was explaining to Lee how I wish that I could go see the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin because I have such an admiration for Sarah Palin. You see, my problem is not a lack of ambition or drive. I have a lot of that, and if I really psych myself up, I can get over the fear thing. But once I became a mom, I began to have a hard time reconciling personal ambition with responsibility. I know that being a mom is my number one priority. So I guess my biggest hold up is a fear that I won't be able to do everything well. So, I end up doing nothing at all. A bad trade off. Sarah Palin has inspired me that it's okay to be ambitious and be a mom. Somehow I have a hard time putting those two things together.

Another woman who has inspired me in recent months is Dana from Mamalogues. If you've never read her site, you should - it's great. Here is someone who is just like me. She's a mom, a writer, a smart, ambitious woman and she's actually doing something with that. I admire that. I want to do something with my dreams. When I told Lee these things last night, he all but threw his hands up in the air and told me he's been trying to get me to do something about this for 8 years now. His exact words, so true yet so biting, were, "I've never met someone with so much talent and so little confidence to use that talent." Ouch. You gotta love an honest spouse, yeah? After that he started talking about war and Braveheart as an analogy for networking...Apparently I am like someone on the front lines who gets stabbed and retreats quickly at the discourgement, when I should be running all the way into the middle of the pack so I can see what I've got to work with. I admit, I giggled a little during this part of his rant.

After that, we went to bed where I spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about the things I want to accomplish and wondering what I need to do to get started and get past this fear. I'm not sure I've come to the conclusion yet, but I am certainly going to try and stop using my kids as an excuse to not be ambitious. That's not fair to them or to me. I'm not sure I'm ready to share what my dreams are either, because that's really putting myself out there. But I know I have to do something. It's not that I'm discontent with motherhood. I'm actually quite content. But I feel like I'm not honoring the Lord by fully using what He's given me. I've felt that way for a long time, but it's amazing how easy it is to shove those feelings aside and push on. Thank God for an awesome husband who refuses to let me live a life of mediocrity.
To read other ambitious women who are also excellent mothers, go to this site or this site...