Thursday, January 17, 2008

A letter of encouragement...to my body

Dear, ummm, me...
So I thought it was time to give you a little pep talk. I know I've been rough on you these last few years, what with the constant weight gain and loss and all that comes with pregnancy, but fear not. I won't do that to you anymore. In return for that favor, however, I have a few favors to ask of you.
Let's start with you, dear legs. Remember the days when you were fit and trim, when you could handle a brisk walk up a steep hill without screaming out in pain? Think back on those days and strive for that again, would ya? Now I must confess, I've never really cared for the upper half of you guys...you know, the thighs? But I'm willing to give you guys another chance if you'll just help me out here. You guys shape up and I'll quit complaining about you...fair?
Now, on to my stomach and my hips. Remember what it felt like to be flat, to slide into a pair of pants without having to be painfully sucked and tucked in? Let's get back to that. Tell you what, I'll do my part and try and eat foods that help you in that goal, if you'll do your part and shrink. I've already started! I'm mean, I ate that nasty bowl of flax cereal this morning didn't I? Okay, so I added a little sugar to it - I had to, though. I gotta keep the tongue happy! Anyway, I all want is for you guys to trim up. That's all I ask. And I'll just remind you that there is a wardrobe of pants hanging in the basement just waiting to be worn - and none of them have elastic waistbands! Oh yeah, and we will be wearing a bathing suit in a couple of months. You don't want to be humiliated do you?
On to my arms. Is there any way you guys could tone up and not look quite so, uh, masculine? That'd be great.
Moving on to the chest. Riiiight. Since you're probably the only part of my body that will immediately shrink back to pre-pregnancy size, there seems to be little I can really say. So, you know...whatever.
And you, dear chin. Could you tell your twin to take a hike? You know, the one who keeps popping up in photographs. That's not cool.
To my face - listen, the chubby cheeks are adorable...on the baby. On you? Not so much so shape it up okay? And if you, my dear eyes, could quit looking so droopy and red, that'd be great. I realize you're exhausted and are sorely lacking rest, but come one, buck up! Keep looking bright and shiny for me!
Finally, to the part of my brain that keeps sending out cravings for things like chocolate and cookies, please stop! Send out a craving for broccoli every once and awhile. Be satisfied and content with a salad and quit sabatoging (sp?) everyone else's hard work!
So, there it is. You guys can do it. If we all work together and boldly march forward, each carrying within us the motto "Remember the Glory Days!" I know we can return to our once comfortable shape. It's up to you all! I know you can do it!

Kelli
Oh yeah, and I need to throw this in. To my big toe, you know the one with only half a nail due to a most unfortunate incident invloving apple juice, a slippery floor and a table leg, could you please grow back and repair yourself before summer? No one wants to see you looking like that. Thanks.

5 comments:

Tiffany said...

To Kelli's brain,

How 'bout an umbrella of grace dude? I mean it's barely been one month since you gave birth for crying out loud. Let's keep the standard but change the approach. Besides, you always go back to normal in a couple months. You gotta admit that it's impressive.

Your so hot babe!
Tiff

Stuart Fam said...

OK, now that is pretty funny! But, I have to agree with Tiffany...you always get back to your amazingly shapely self in no time at all, so don't sweat it!
Beck

blessedpath said...

Kelli, that is great and could your brain talk to my brain to convince mine to step up to the plate!!! You DO always get back into shape quickly. Pound on my door when you are out walking and drag me with you,'kay?!!! Carol

Nicole said...

Oh, Kelli, this cracked me up! I'm linking it to a new post in my blog so everyone will read it.

#1 the other girls were right; it's barely been a month. So much more will come off on it's own! Trust me; I'm 2 months ahead of you, and I can definitely tell that through no extra effort of my own, I'm still losing a little more.

#2 You always look great after the babies, and it will happen again. I'm hoping it finally happens this time for me. Or rather, that I'm motivated enough to make it happen.

Heather S. said...

Hi! I'm a friend of Nicole's - we've met at a couple of birthday parties.
Congratulations on the birth of Landon! Hope things are going well!
Your post cracked me up - I think all moms with little ones totally can relate!