Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Thanks

Thanks for the comments and emails regarding the last post. I know this phase won't last forever, it just feels eternal right now. Someday, soon I hope, life will feel normal again. Tomorrow is Sloan's last day of school so maybe once we have a little less going on things will settle down. Or maybe not. Who knows? Oh, and as a disclaimer to those of you preparing to have your third, or hoping to have three children: everything I wrote in that last post is a lie. Three kids is a breeze. You should all do it!

Truly, I obviously would not trade my children for the world. They are each so special and so unique and so very precious to me. This is a season, I know, and it is short and one day they will be grown and I will long for these days again...at least that's what I've heard. I just don't want to miss it, you know? And I feel like I am a little because it's so difficult. So that's part of my struggle. It's a battle between longing for this season to end and hoping it doesn't go too fast. Whew. That makes my head hurt. I'm going to take a bath and go to bed!

*update: Last night was another rough night. Landon screamed for over an hour. We finally moved him into the pack n play in our room to let him cry it out. But let me tell you what God did. After an hour of listening to him scream, I couldn't take it anymore so I got up and picked him up and held him tight against my chest, taking deep breaths to calm my own spirit as well. As he slowly began to calm down he pulled his head back and looked in my eyes. In the darkness I could see the tears glinting on his little cheeks. The look he gave me was so sweet and so precious and in that moment I was reminded that he almost didn't make it to life on this earth. I remembered the doctor's words that miscarriage was a very good possibility and I was suddenly so grateful for that moment. Then my mind drifted to the story of Audrey Caroline and I realized that all over the world there are mothers whose arms ache to hold their children. Mothers who would gladly get up in the middle of the night because it would mean that their children were alive. And I was grateful. Isn't God good to remind us of these things when we've reached the point of desperation? I'm tired today, utterly exhausted, but I'm grateful for this fatigue as it serves as a reminder that I hold in my hands great blessings. Blessings which were no guarantee. So I am grateful today.

5 comments:

Hyser Family said...

I almost commented on the last post that I had officially changed my mind about having a third child. Then I read this one. And since you were lying I guess we'll go ahead and plan on adding another one. In approx. (and I use that word loosely) 4 years...

Stuart Fam said...

Very sweet thing that happened...God always has a way of bringing us back to what is precious and priceless. Hope you can take a nap today.

kelly said...

kelli - my eyes are filled with tears as i read your post. wow - you're so right that despite the frustrations & craziness of being a mom, there is such incredible blessing & reward. thanks for the reminder - i need it :)
& again, thanks for your always candid words - being a mom is infinitely harder than anyone ever prepares you for, i think. that's how i feel anyway. i'm so thankful to be able to read the honest words of a mom of three b/c i know i'll feel the exact same way @ some point, but maybe i'll remember this & not feel so alone!
anyway - just a big thanks :)

ps - sleep deprivation sucks. with so little sleep, if you are functioning in any capacity whatsoever & no one is dead, you're a hero in my book!!!!

Christy said...

thank you for sharing this kelli. i love reading your blog and hearing your honest, from the heart thoughts. have a good day!

Hyser Family said...

I just read the edit you made to this post and then bounced over to her blog to read the story. Tears and snot are streaming. :) I have so much to be thankful for. Planning on loving my sweet babies a little more tomorrow...